i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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