you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
