Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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