They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
