I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
