dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
