we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
