Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't turn off my feet"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
