:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
