wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
