What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
