he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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