you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
