I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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