my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
