i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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