i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
