considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
