all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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