I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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