there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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