You made me cry and you don't even care
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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