So drunk its hurt
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You smell like stripper and shame
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
