I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
