I want to have your abortion
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
