It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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