Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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