Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no you cant smoke seaweed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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