hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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