I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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