Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
