so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
