Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
