just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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