Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
