i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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