Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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