Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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