I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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