bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
