I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm too high and old for this...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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