Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
