I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
