your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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