Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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