Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
