I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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