it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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