Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
