he puts the penis in happiness.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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