i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
