I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
