i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
