Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
