Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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