I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
