It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
