Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
