He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize