he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
