Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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