and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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