complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
