Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
