Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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