I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
