in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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