These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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