everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
