Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
