90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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