sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sext me about skeletons
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
