I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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