Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
