were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
