They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My balls are so social today.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
