What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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