are you so shy because you have an std?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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