Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
