you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
