This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
