We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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