i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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