WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
