I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
