I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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