The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
