you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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