So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
