it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
