Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
